


Failure

by Starofwinter



Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Gen, Mild Gore, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Failure must be paid for with blood.  Sev learned that lesson.  If his sergeant isn't there, he'll have to do it himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A prequel of sorts to [Scars.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8833312)

Sev failed.  The mission wasn’t compromised - Delta is too good for that - but  _ he _ failed.  He’d been a little too slow to his nest, and he’d missed the short window of opportunity to put a bolt in the Sep leader’s head  _ before  _ he could sound the alarm.  Sev had twisted his ankle on the way up the incline - and had the boot on his leg to prove it - but that wasn’t an excuse for his failure.  

Vau isn’t here to reprimand him.  He’ll have to learn his lessons on his own.  It won’t be the first time.  Swallowing hard, he sits down in a corner of the ‘freshers and gets to work - one line for each of the teammates he failed, one for the shot he missed… and one for hesitating to give himself the punishment he’s earned.  He bites his lip against the hiss of pain as the blade of his knife cuts through the thin skin of his thigh, blood welling in its wake.  It  _ burns _ and the muscle twitches beneath, but his hand is steady.  This isn’t the first time he’s written a lesson into his own skin, and he  _ should _ be used to it by now.  He lets out a slow, shaky breath as he pauses for a moment at the end of the line.  He hates that the pain feels  _ good _ .  It feels like he’s making up for his mistakes, with every drop of bright red that rolls down his bare skin to drip to the floor of the ‘fresher, it’s a little of his failure and shame washed away.  

By the time Sev finishes the second cut (Fixer), then the third (Scorch), he has to shift his grip on the knife to keep it from slipping from his lax fingers.  It’s not enough yet, but his head is swimming a little in the way a part of him craves now.  He feels clean and light.  With a deep breath, he makes the next cut, the one for his failed shot.  He won’t fall behind again.  He can be a good soldier.

The final cut is the easiest and hardest in turns.  The euphoria of before is starting to fade, so he digs the blade in before he can stop himself.  This one is deeper, a  _ reminder _ that he has to do this, he  _ has to make it right _ .  Failure is pain.  

At least this way, no one else has to know.


End file.
